knittingknots (knittingknots) wrote,

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Blue Funk

Putting it behind a cut to spare the uninterested my self-analytical whininess...

That's what my mama used to call them...when you don't want to do anything, think anything, create anything...

Sometimes when they hit me, I would blame my insecurities, but I'm not feeling anxious or insecure.  Just don't wanna do nothing.  Have nothing much to say.  My mind, when I am like this, feels isolated and lonely, but I don't/can't seem to behave in ways that don't intensify the isolation.

Only thing I wanna do is listen to melancholy music  and read. Nothing else feels worth the effort.

Blue funks. When I was younger, my mom would try to pull me out of them, and it didn't work too well.

Sometimes, they last a day or two. Sometimes, long enough that I medicate. Doubt this is a long term one. I just went through a hugely long (for me) creative burst, and it might be a combo of fall coming in and mental fatigue. But underneath the bluesy veneer, I can feel the creative urge building up.  I've got several stories cooking, but they aren't what I want to do. I don't know what I want to do. But it will burst through and I will do something.

I hate this. Waiting sux.

Time for chocolate.

Tags: rl

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