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A Tale of Ever After

Chapter 149, for your reading pleasure

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7602222/149/

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( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
landofthekwt
Apr. 30th, 2013 05:35 pm (UTC)
MM 157 Between Nightwalker and Bottled Genius
cyperian
May. 2nd, 2013 02:18 pm (UTC)
Hey, some feedback for you since you've gone nearly 150 chapters and I don't think I've given you any. Shameful of me!!

FYI: I'm currently on powerful pain killers. Just in case I start going off the deep end somewhere and no one can make heads nor tails of my ramblings.

First, it’s taken an immense amount of dedication to have written 150 chapters on a consistent schedule. Add to that the fact that the chapters each appear to have gone through an editing process before they are posted and I am floored. Thank you so much for keeping us entertained for so long!!

At first, I wasn’t sure if I liked all of the new characters, as essential as they all are. I mean, you can’t write the story of a village with nameless drones without a personality. You took on a monumental task, giving each character a place and behaviors to work within. Yes, it’s easy to get mixed up, especially since we have no faces to put with the names, but YOU seem to have a map and that’s what’s important. We catch onto the main ones eventually.

I thought it was a neat twist that Inuyasha’s home is not some type of sprawling mansion built in the exact spot of Kagome’s house in the future. That’s such an easy thing to do and you pulled away from those common themes to give the story flare of your own.

If I have any bones to pick with you, it’s likely because we haven’t gotten there in the story yet. I do have to say that the pace could go quite a bit faster and I don’t think you’d lose anything. Yes, this story is meant to replace episodes and be about the daily lives of our beloved characters but sometimes it feels like, “And then they walked over here. And then they went there. And then they went back,” telling us all the while what everyone is saying and thinking along the way. Most of the time, I don’t take issue with it; it’s your style and inherent with a WAFF fic. However, there have been times during which it became tedious. If I had any advice it would be simply to keep this in mind as you write.
cyperian
May. 2nd, 2013 02:19 pm (UTC)
(And because I'm that long winded......)

And speaking of future chapters, some things I’m hoping to see?

No matter how happy Kagome is right now, she is going to miss her family and friends back in her time. I lived in the same house my entire life until I moved with my parents at age 21. I’m not saying my situation remotely compares but I do miss going to the minor league San Jose Giants baseball game every 4th of July. When I moved here, I suddenly had to find new doctors, hair dressers, and dry cleaners. When I go back and visit I feel left out of stuff because my tight-knit friends have all these inside jokes I don’t fit into anymore. They’ve made memories without me.

I’m not saying that the Kagome in your universe would resent Inuyasha, but eventually she is going to be homesick. She may miss dishwashers and clothing stores. Her friends lived 3 years without her – they’re bound to have grown closer in a way she doesn’t feel a part of yet.

I’d love to see what would happen if she convinces Inuyasha to try the well with her. After all, it opened for her when she lost her fear so maybe it’s stayed open and they can travel to and fro once again. If that’s the case that could add an entirely new dimension to the story that I’d love to watch you explore. You’d certainly be the only one out there that’s taking that route! And then, of course, what if it doesn’t work because Inuyasha’s afraid they’ll get stuck, or that it really did just allow her to make one final choice. That would be very disheartening for Kagome and mess with Inuyasha’s head about not being good enough.

While on the subject of “not good enough” I wonder if Old Faithful (meaning insecurity about Inuyasha loving Kikyou) will rear its head? It was dealt with very poorly in the series – Kagome won by default. What if the villagers like Chiya or maybe even an elder decides Kagome’s okay only because she’s Kikyou in their eyes? Or what if a pregnant, hormonal Kagome starts in on her husband’s old behaviors? I’d love to see some drama and resolution in that area.

On the subject of jealousy, what if Kagome had a boyfriend in high school? Or perhaps a male suitor peruses Kagome, thinking to save her from a youkai marriage – and I mean someone who isn’t a dip shit like Morio but rather a handsome, kind-hearted, wealthy traveler; perhaps a spiritualist, craftsman, or healer?

All relationships go through tests and while Kagome and Inuyasha are still in their honeymoon phase, Miroku is going through a perfectly natural and realistic crisis. Did he play upon Chiya to get more money out of greed? Was it that greed that wound up causing Sango to be alone? I could see Inuyasha going through something like that especially considering Kagome traded an entire world, literally, to be with him.

It’s all very exciting to postulate on and I want to sincerely thank you for giving the fans something to sink their brains into. ^_~
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